There’s no escaping the grief process, but the pain won’t last forever and there is a great life waiting on the other side, if you allow it to happen. I had to put my cat Ricky to sleep. Some of you may have read about how on Christmas Eve I thought I would lose him. Well, he rallied back and had a few good months left to snooze in the sun, chase imaginary gremlins and enjoy a good purr. But his cancer was terminal. The vet said I would know when it was time — and I did.

He was a great friend, so there’s no escaping the sadness. As much as I believe in the importance of a positive and grateful attitude, it’s ok to experience the pain when a relationship ends and I was reminded how grief is a physical sensation — a cold, and achy place in your chest. Clearly, the terms “heavy heart,” “broken heart,” and “heartache” come from this shared human experience. That kind of hurt is part of loving something deeply. It is not weakness to feel it.

That same kind of pain happens when any relationship ends — and not just because of death. Friends move away, people grow apart and decide to pursue different paths, “irreconcilable differences” occur — and we are left to walk through that experience called the grief cycle: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally acceptance. Fortunately, it is a cycle. As painful as the loss may be, in time we come through the tunnel and emerge on the other side.

For those of us who have walked through this kind of loss before, it can be easier, painful as it is, because deep down we know the pain isn’t permanent. Do you remember the first time you climbed to the top of a high diving board? Well, it’s the same when you jump into your new life as a single person. It may seem scary at first but it only appears that way. There is a lot of us splashing around and having a great time in the singular pool.